Some people are born to be teenagers. Some people are born to be students. Some people never want to grow up, and stay younger forever. But a rare few quite like the idea of getting that little bit older, of slowing the pace of life down before it has time to get started.
Me, I think I was born to be middle-aged.
Now I'm saying with no personal insight into what it's like to be middle-aged; being 18, I haven't reached that point yet. But that's the thing; stating my age just then felt like a confession, a revelation of a hidden truth that I'm not accustomed to people knowing. Its like I'm a tiny bit ashamed to be so young, because I've never felt like I can claim that I live (or want to live) the life of a typical 18 year old in the Western world. I don't deserve this youth, because I don't utilize it enough, I don't take advantage of the fact that my mind and body are a lot sharper than they're going to be in only a few years' time (well, my mind in any case, my body is actually falling apart at the minute, but at least it's healing fast). How on earth can I be 18, when in reality I'd rather be 30?
What I mean by this is that I'd much rather stay in and finish the book I'm reading/film I'm watching/actually sleep than go out and dance the night away in a club, whilst being completely wasted, and waking up to a multitude of embarrassing photos than convey exactly why I don't remember any of the events that were captured happening at all. I like structure, I like routine, I like clean clothes and a (relatively) tidy room and three meals a day and movie nights and a weekly night at the pub. Goodness, this middle-aged affliction is worse than I thought.
In my mind, all of these things that I try to instate into my daily student life manifest themselves as the life I'm aspiring to have in the future. Similarly, all the things I try and avoid - going out every night, not remembering how I got home, forgetting to eat/surviving on Pot Noodles for weeks, leaving work to the last minute, spending every valuable moment watching Vine videos - I associate with the life I should be wanting to lead, the youthful and care-free student life. Don't get me wrong, that last description really is my life (more so than I care to admit) but its getting on my nerves already and I've only been here a month! Give me a tub of Ben and Jerry's and Titanic over a night out any day, I'm begging you.
This sense of guilt I've been feeling has made me think though; am I really just having this premature yearning to be middle-aged and boring, or is this just another of society's stereotype games trying to push me into a box, dictating who I'm supposed to be and how I'm supposed to act? We all know that student life is largely based around a heavy drinking culture. A lack of order is to be expected, and on several occasions I've found myself exaggerating how much I've drank and how little I've slept, just to adhere to this strange sense of normality within the typical student existence. I wonder, do most students genuinely want to get utterly pissed each night, or do they just feel a need to conform, to get ready and go out with the rest of their flatmates who always seem to be more up for it than they are?
It might just be me, and my weird set of life ambitions. I'm constantly plagued by the feeling that I absolutely have to get the most out of life, and be liked by everybody, and at the moment the easiest way to satisfy both of those needs is by going out and getting drunk and 'having a good time'. I'm not intending to slate alcohol, by the way, and occasionally I do have a brilliant night out. But, just for once, I'd love to go out because I actually want to, and I'd love to be able to have a good time without the need to get myself as intoxicated as possible in the shortest amount of time.
My student moan is over now! I'll fill you in with all the more enthusiastic and uplifting details of student life soon. I'm now off to climb into my freshly washed bedsheets - and I think after all that ranting I still feel a little too guilty for being so excited about that.
Me, I think I was born to be middle-aged.
Now I'm saying with no personal insight into what it's like to be middle-aged; being 18, I haven't reached that point yet. But that's the thing; stating my age just then felt like a confession, a revelation of a hidden truth that I'm not accustomed to people knowing. Its like I'm a tiny bit ashamed to be so young, because I've never felt like I can claim that I live (or want to live) the life of a typical 18 year old in the Western world. I don't deserve this youth, because I don't utilize it enough, I don't take advantage of the fact that my mind and body are a lot sharper than they're going to be in only a few years' time (well, my mind in any case, my body is actually falling apart at the minute, but at least it's healing fast). How on earth can I be 18, when in reality I'd rather be 30?
What I mean by this is that I'd much rather stay in and finish the book I'm reading/film I'm watching/actually sleep than go out and dance the night away in a club, whilst being completely wasted, and waking up to a multitude of embarrassing photos than convey exactly why I don't remember any of the events that were captured happening at all. I like structure, I like routine, I like clean clothes and a (relatively) tidy room and three meals a day and movie nights and a weekly night at the pub. Goodness, this middle-aged affliction is worse than I thought.
In my mind, all of these things that I try to instate into my daily student life manifest themselves as the life I'm aspiring to have in the future. Similarly, all the things I try and avoid - going out every night, not remembering how I got home, forgetting to eat/surviving on Pot Noodles for weeks, leaving work to the last minute, spending every valuable moment watching Vine videos - I associate with the life I should be wanting to lead, the youthful and care-free student life. Don't get me wrong, that last description really is my life (more so than I care to admit) but its getting on my nerves already and I've only been here a month! Give me a tub of Ben and Jerry's and Titanic over a night out any day, I'm begging you.
This sense of guilt I've been feeling has made me think though; am I really just having this premature yearning to be middle-aged and boring, or is this just another of society's stereotype games trying to push me into a box, dictating who I'm supposed to be and how I'm supposed to act? We all know that student life is largely based around a heavy drinking culture. A lack of order is to be expected, and on several occasions I've found myself exaggerating how much I've drank and how little I've slept, just to adhere to this strange sense of normality within the typical student existence. I wonder, do most students genuinely want to get utterly pissed each night, or do they just feel a need to conform, to get ready and go out with the rest of their flatmates who always seem to be more up for it than they are?
It might just be me, and my weird set of life ambitions. I'm constantly plagued by the feeling that I absolutely have to get the most out of life, and be liked by everybody, and at the moment the easiest way to satisfy both of those needs is by going out and getting drunk and 'having a good time'. I'm not intending to slate alcohol, by the way, and occasionally I do have a brilliant night out. But, just for once, I'd love to go out because I actually want to, and I'd love to be able to have a good time without the need to get myself as intoxicated as possible in the shortest amount of time.
My student moan is over now! I'll fill you in with all the more enthusiastic and uplifting details of student life soon. I'm now off to climb into my freshly washed bedsheets - and I think after all that ranting I still feel a little too guilty for being so excited about that.
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