I feel as though I have an immense amount to fill you in on! I haven't been very proactive in maintaining a regular interest in this blog, so I apologise. I'll try and get better at it.
But I do really mean it, a lot has happened since my last post. More than anything, looking back on my rather eventful first term (a skin infection, a dislocated knee, a subsequent leg in plaster and a slight case of concussion - thank goodness God was with me or who knows what else could've happened!) I've come to notice that intertwining my sexuality and my faith within my lifestyle as a student at Lancaster has been much harder than I'd anticipated. The gulf between the two worlds is still incredibly large and very visible; so much so, that I've heard members of each respective 'side' criticize the other, and in some cases I can hardly argue against them. Not all cases, of course, but I have yet to challenge any comments made. I feel cowardly and stupid, for these aspects of my identity are crucial and of so much importance and relevance in my life. But what kind of reception would I get? In my mind (which is prone to jumping to worst case scenarios now and again) coming out within my church community might ostracize me and provoke comments and opinions that, quite frankly, I'd rather not hear again. On the other hand, if I was to state my religious beliefs amongst the gay and feminist communities that I'm part of, I'd probably receive an equally frosty and challenging reception. Clearly, I might be exaggerating, and completely underestimating the people I've gotten to know over the last few months. However I believe that my position on this only more vehemently indicates the ongoing conflict between the two communities, and highlights the pain and anger that has been caused in the past by this conflict that is still very present and active in the lives of young people in particular.
Despite this issue, it hasn't stopped me enjoying the opportunities I've had in getting with involved with these groups and societies. Unfortunately, the knee injury that I mentioned before has prevented me from rejoining the women's rugby team, and from playing contact sports entirely for the foreseeable future. This has been quite a blow for me, as anyone who knows me well will know how much I love participating in sport and being part of a team, so being told I can't do this anymore has been crippling. Nevertheless, with my gym membership now active, I've been trying to get down and use the (oh so amazing) facilities that the university's sports centre has to offer, in the hope that I might be able to strengthen my knee joint and play again some time in the future, whilst also trying to get my fitness back to what it was (although it wasn't very impressive in the first place, let's be honest - maybe I can make some progress beyond what I'm used to!). Just this week I've also managed to secure a job at the sports centre's swimming pool, assisting in swimming lessons like I used to do back at home for so many years. I haven't got any regular hours yet, just filling in wherever they need me, but I'm hoping it will lead to something permanent in the future. It's a job, anyway; I'm definitely not complaining!
Instead of throwing all of my energy into sport, I've had the chance to get involved in other things that I otherwise wouldn't have had the time to pursue. I've been trying to get to church every Sunday morning; the church I'm currently trying to make a regular commitment to is called Moorlands Evangelical Church, and I've already made several friends have that supported me through my turbulent last term. It has a lot of provisions for students, and even though the church itself consists of a mixture of families, students and older people there is a lot of emphasis on helping students make the best of their time at university, and encouraging them to live as Christians within student culture. The bible teaching each week is incredible, and although I sometimes find it hard to stay awake due to a late night beforehand, I still learn a lot! It's refreshing to be able to listen to a new perspective on aspects of the Bible that I've never heard before, which is something I appreciate about having the freedom to attend the church that appeals to me the most. Not that I'm knocking my own church communities back at home - you're all wonderful! But as I've had to understand through moving to new a place, different is nearly always good.
I'm also currently involved in a production called the 'Vagina Monologues'. For those of you who don't know what it is, I've enclosed a link above just in case my description doesn't do it justice! Basically, it is a play constructed in the form of a series of monologues, written and compiled by Eve Ensler and a number of women that she interviewed. The common theme is, of course, the vagina, and different experiences that women have had surrounding their sexuality, and each monologue conveys a different experience, ranging from rape to birth, from heterosexual to homosexual to transsexual experience, and just mere appreciation of the vagina and female sexuality. It is funny, harrowing, emotional, and above all a celebration of the female gender and identity. Not only it is a play, though; it has also led to the V-Day campaign, a global movement that campaigns around issues such as violence against women and girls, and female equality. In support of this cause, Lancaster does a performance of the Monologues every year using the monologues that originally Ensler compiled, and has done for twelve years previously, and fund-raises to support a local organisation that fights or provides for women's rights.
At first I thought I'd missed my chance to be a part of this inspiring movement this year, due to my injury, but I was lucky enough to have a conversation with one of the directors during a LGBT workshop (a society that I've also been getting involved in) on a day that one of the performers dropped out, so I got a part! Having never even seen the play being performed before, I feel incredibly privileged and excited to be so directly involved this year, performing alongside many amazing and wonderful women. Now I'm definitely no actress, and learning my lines has been quite an experience, so I hope I do them the justice they deserve! But, as someone said a few rehearsals ago, this play isn't like any other play, and any imperfections that we make only contribute to the imperfections of women themselves, imperfections that we're celebrating, because we're know we're not perfect. So that takes the pressure off a bit!
In terms of my studies (yes, I'm doing a degree as well, I forget that sometimes), it's going okay. English is good, the lectures are really interesting and the materials we're studying are so rich and wonderful! But, because our first year is just an 'over-view' year to ease everyone in, we never really get the chance to explore a specific topic before we move onto the next one. And don't get me started on the department; one thing I've learnt at university is that as a kid you think that adult institutions and businesses operate so smoothly and are so incredibly organised, but in reality they're really not! And my tutor is cute, he's a Swedish guy called Johan and he attached packets of Haribo to our first essays when he gave them back to us - but have I learnt anything from him? Probably not. Oh well, I guess it's a learning curve for him too!
My minor subjects that I have to do this year are going a little better; EPR (ethics, philosophy and religion for those of you like my dad who keep forgetting what it is) is enriching and challenging, to an extent that I really have to concentrate to understand half of what the lecturer is saying most of the time! But it keeps me on my toes, so that's good. Gender Studies is less challenging in a way but just as interesting, and continues to add fuel to my feminist ideals through our exploration of how gender affects different elements of the society we live in.
I've started sharing meals with my housemate Alex this term as well, to make surviving a bit easier for both of us. I thought I'd attach a photo of when I made shepherd's pie for us whilst she was at a lecture, as it was my turn to cook - the mince was a bit frazzled, and there was definitely more cheese than potato, but overall not a bad first attempt!
But I do really mean it, a lot has happened since my last post. More than anything, looking back on my rather eventful first term (a skin infection, a dislocated knee, a subsequent leg in plaster and a slight case of concussion - thank goodness God was with me or who knows what else could've happened!) I've come to notice that intertwining my sexuality and my faith within my lifestyle as a student at Lancaster has been much harder than I'd anticipated. The gulf between the two worlds is still incredibly large and very visible; so much so, that I've heard members of each respective 'side' criticize the other, and in some cases I can hardly argue against them. Not all cases, of course, but I have yet to challenge any comments made. I feel cowardly and stupid, for these aspects of my identity are crucial and of so much importance and relevance in my life. But what kind of reception would I get? In my mind (which is prone to jumping to worst case scenarios now and again) coming out within my church community might ostracize me and provoke comments and opinions that, quite frankly, I'd rather not hear again. On the other hand, if I was to state my religious beliefs amongst the gay and feminist communities that I'm part of, I'd probably receive an equally frosty and challenging reception. Clearly, I might be exaggerating, and completely underestimating the people I've gotten to know over the last few months. However I believe that my position on this only more vehemently indicates the ongoing conflict between the two communities, and highlights the pain and anger that has been caused in the past by this conflict that is still very present and active in the lives of young people in particular.
Despite this issue, it hasn't stopped me enjoying the opportunities I've had in getting with involved with these groups and societies. Unfortunately, the knee injury that I mentioned before has prevented me from rejoining the women's rugby team, and from playing contact sports entirely for the foreseeable future. This has been quite a blow for me, as anyone who knows me well will know how much I love participating in sport and being part of a team, so being told I can't do this anymore has been crippling. Nevertheless, with my gym membership now active, I've been trying to get down and use the (oh so amazing) facilities that the university's sports centre has to offer, in the hope that I might be able to strengthen my knee joint and play again some time in the future, whilst also trying to get my fitness back to what it was (although it wasn't very impressive in the first place, let's be honest - maybe I can make some progress beyond what I'm used to!). Just this week I've also managed to secure a job at the sports centre's swimming pool, assisting in swimming lessons like I used to do back at home for so many years. I haven't got any regular hours yet, just filling in wherever they need me, but I'm hoping it will lead to something permanent in the future. It's a job, anyway; I'm definitely not complaining!
Instead of throwing all of my energy into sport, I've had the chance to get involved in other things that I otherwise wouldn't have had the time to pursue. I've been trying to get to church every Sunday morning; the church I'm currently trying to make a regular commitment to is called Moorlands Evangelical Church, and I've already made several friends have that supported me through my turbulent last term. It has a lot of provisions for students, and even though the church itself consists of a mixture of families, students and older people there is a lot of emphasis on helping students make the best of their time at university, and encouraging them to live as Christians within student culture. The bible teaching each week is incredible, and although I sometimes find it hard to stay awake due to a late night beforehand, I still learn a lot! It's refreshing to be able to listen to a new perspective on aspects of the Bible that I've never heard before, which is something I appreciate about having the freedom to attend the church that appeals to me the most. Not that I'm knocking my own church communities back at home - you're all wonderful! But as I've had to understand through moving to new a place, different is nearly always good.
I'm also currently involved in a production called the 'Vagina Monologues'. For those of you who don't know what it is, I've enclosed a link above just in case my description doesn't do it justice! Basically, it is a play constructed in the form of a series of monologues, written and compiled by Eve Ensler and a number of women that she interviewed. The common theme is, of course, the vagina, and different experiences that women have had surrounding their sexuality, and each monologue conveys a different experience, ranging from rape to birth, from heterosexual to homosexual to transsexual experience, and just mere appreciation of the vagina and female sexuality. It is funny, harrowing, emotional, and above all a celebration of the female gender and identity. Not only it is a play, though; it has also led to the V-Day campaign, a global movement that campaigns around issues such as violence against women and girls, and female equality. In support of this cause, Lancaster does a performance of the Monologues every year using the monologues that originally Ensler compiled, and has done for twelve years previously, and fund-raises to support a local organisation that fights or provides for women's rights.
At first I thought I'd missed my chance to be a part of this inspiring movement this year, due to my injury, but I was lucky enough to have a conversation with one of the directors during a LGBT workshop (a society that I've also been getting involved in) on a day that one of the performers dropped out, so I got a part! Having never even seen the play being performed before, I feel incredibly privileged and excited to be so directly involved this year, performing alongside many amazing and wonderful women. Now I'm definitely no actress, and learning my lines has been quite an experience, so I hope I do them the justice they deserve! But, as someone said a few rehearsals ago, this play isn't like any other play, and any imperfections that we make only contribute to the imperfections of women themselves, imperfections that we're celebrating, because we're know we're not perfect. So that takes the pressure off a bit!
In terms of my studies (yes, I'm doing a degree as well, I forget that sometimes), it's going okay. English is good, the lectures are really interesting and the materials we're studying are so rich and wonderful! But, because our first year is just an 'over-view' year to ease everyone in, we never really get the chance to explore a specific topic before we move onto the next one. And don't get me started on the department; one thing I've learnt at university is that as a kid you think that adult institutions and businesses operate so smoothly and are so incredibly organised, but in reality they're really not! And my tutor is cute, he's a Swedish guy called Johan and he attached packets of Haribo to our first essays when he gave them back to us - but have I learnt anything from him? Probably not. Oh well, I guess it's a learning curve for him too!
My minor subjects that I have to do this year are going a little better; EPR (ethics, philosophy and religion for those of you like my dad who keep forgetting what it is) is enriching and challenging, to an extent that I really have to concentrate to understand half of what the lecturer is saying most of the time! But it keeps me on my toes, so that's good. Gender Studies is less challenging in a way but just as interesting, and continues to add fuel to my feminist ideals through our exploration of how gender affects different elements of the society we live in.
I've started sharing meals with my housemate Alex this term as well, to make surviving a bit easier for both of us. I thought I'd attach a photo of when I made shepherd's pie for us whilst she was at a lecture, as it was my turn to cook - the mince was a bit frazzled, and there was definitely more cheese than potato, but overall not a bad first attempt!
So that's my update, really. I'm sure I have lots more to tell you that I'll think of later, so I'll be back soon! Much love and stuff.
